Just for chuckles ~ some vintage

“I always wanted to be the last guy on earth,
just to see if all those women were lying to me.”
—Ronnie Shakes

“My family wasn’t very religious.
On Hanukkah they had a menorah on a dimmer.”
—Richard Lewis

Dr. Chlorophyll quotes Mr. Stuart Edwards in Gardener’s Club, the newsletter of the garden club of Melbourne, Australia:

“All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.
But what they never mention
Though gardeners know it’s true,
Is when He made the goodies,
He made the baddies, too.

All things spray and swattable,
Disasters great and small,
All things paraquatable,
The Lord God made them all.
The greenfly on the roses,
The clubroot on the greens,
The slugs that eat your lettuce,
And chew the aubergines.

The drought that kills the fuchsias,
The frost that nips the buds,
The rain that drowns the seedlings,
The blight that hits the spuds,
The midges and mosquitoes,
The nettles and the weeds,
The pigeons in the green stuff,
The sparrows on the seeds.

The fly that gets the carrots,
The wasp that eats the plums,
How black the gardener’s outlook,
Though green may be the thumb.
But still we gardeners labour,
Midst vegetables and flowers,
And pray what hits our neighbours,
May somehow bypass ours.”