Advice for the Horticulturally Harassed

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”

—Oscar Wilde

Dr. C. was a regular writer and hortipersonality at BHN for many years until his retirement in 2011. As a nod to the 1980’s, we are herein reprinting some articles from another era.

On Weeds and Weeding

“The conjugation of ‘To Weed’: I weed. You weed. She and It woad. They wed. I have wed recently.

Isn’t it remarkable what power the “W” word has? The emotions summoned? Guilt. Shame. Embarrassment. Exasperation. Loathing. All this from a plant (or several, as the case may be) that simply found a piece of earth to grow upon. Your earth. Well then, they must be killed.

The current thought of the day, with regard to evolutionary theory, is accentuated equilibrium. In a nutshell, it is believed that evolution is a rapid-fire response to changes in the environment. Every minute change in the surroundings exacts from any life form dependent for survival upon that change, a corresponding and immediate adaptation for survival.

In the light of this, I hypothesize, that as gardeners and gardens flourish, weeds will begin to look more and more like garden-worthy plants. To avoid being weeded out, they will begin to mimic anything of ornamental value in our gardens. Over time, weeds will surpass in aesthetic value the plants we are currently growing as ornamentals. If all goes as planned, we will soon be eliminating all of the ornamentals that we have purchased (which, in the light of the vigor of some of the plants we sell, this is probably already being done).”