9:00 to 5:30
Just for chuckles…some vintage Dr. Chlorophyll
SOME DAFFYNISIONS FROM THE NOW OUT-OF-PRINT GARDENER'S DICTIONARY
Berry: Small fruit produced by a variety of flowering bushes and shrubs, some wild, some cultivated. Most are edible and delicious, but a few are extremely toxic. How can you tell them apart? There is an easy rule of thumb: Look for telltale "clustering" in a pale green or gray cardboard box with a cellophane covering and a distinctive reddish rubber band. Berries with those features are always safe to eat.
Club Moss: Perennially present members of gardening societies.
Catnip: Widely planted herb that produces a powerful narcotic effect on cats, probably similar to the effect of cannabis on humans. One pound of the weed typically has an "alley value" of eight to ten mice.
AND, BEFORE YOU LEAVE ON SUMMER VACATION…
Make arrangements for someone to cover the watering and then scan the following inquiries sent by potential visitors to the Australian Tourism Website. The answers are those posted by website officials, excellent indicators as to why this country is such big fun to visit. You need to know that Kings Cross is the red light district of Sydney, and that Australia is home to more of the world's most poisonous snakes than any other continent.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No. We are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where you come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not…oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.